


all comes back around

by sleepinnude



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, spoilers for season 15 teaser video
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2021-02-19 02:10:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22203553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepinnude/pseuds/sleepinnude
Summary: they've been here before, and again, and before.(this is nothing but my emotions after watching that new teaser for season 15)
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 42





	all comes back around

**Author's Note:**

> i had several emotions while watching the new season 15 video from shaving people punting things. spoilers if you haven't watched that yet but honestly nothing much is given away here.
> 
> dean and cas drank together for 0.5 seconds and i had a whole ass meltdown about it.

They’ve been here before.

They’ve been here before, so many times, and if Dean were an optimist, something in him might say that they’ve always gotten out of it.

With the seals, with Hell, with Lucifer and Michael, with the Mark, with Sammy having no soul, with Purgatory, with the Darkness… With Dean dying and Sam dying and Cas dying.

How many times has Cas died? How many times has Dean had to sit here and live on after losing Cas?

And he hasn’t lost him this time, not yet, but it’s building like water in his lungs. Like the crush of a monster over his chest, like the slow blot of smoke over the sun.

Cas is talking, trying to reassure him and there’s the slow rattle of his glass in his hand. It reminds Dean that there’s whiskey to drink and he’s not one to waste alcohol.

When he drains his last fingers, Castiel stands. He takes the cup from Dean’s loosened hand and sets it aside. “Dean,” he says in that steel-wool voice and fuck, it wasn’t fair that Cas could hear his prayers, all those years, but Dean never got to hear Castiel’s voice as intimate as in his own head.

“We’re gonna lose,” Dean says, and it’s slow, like honey, catching all angles of the light and twisting them through. “Cas, we’re not…”

For a long stretch, Castiel doesn’t say anything. He sighs and he picks up the decanter and pours Dean another measure. Before Dean can reach for the glass, Castiel has his hand cupping Dean’s, fitting the cool solidity of the glass against his palm. And then Castiel is kneeling in front of Dean and it’s almost like a knight swearing fealty to his sovereign except that sort of loyalty was cheap and tissue-thin compared to the two of them.

“Yeah,” Castiel says and it’s soft and quiet and the most genuine thing he’s ever said. “Yeah, we probably are. But that doesn’t mean we’re not going to fight.”

Dean’s eyes close and he thinks, if he’s going to lose Castiel again, this time, at least it’ll be both of them going down. All of them going down together.

“Dean?”

Dean lifts the glass that Castiel tended for him, drinks and swallows, relishes the burn. And then he clatters the drink to the side table and slides to his knees.

They’re so close that their legs are matched and knocking. Dean’s hands swing into Castiel’s and all it takes is a half of a hitching breath to set their foreheads together. Castiel’s eyes close and Dean spares a moment to watch the sweep of his lashes over his cheeks, the shadow-play of it. And then one hand comes up, fits against Castiel’s cheek. “Hey, look at me.”

Castiel does.

And his eyes are as unwavering as ever. Dean might imagine the flicker of Grace in their depths or maybe it’s just that he’s always so clearly seen all of Castiel. Maybe it’s that Castiel has always been looking so closely at Dean that Dean couldn’t help but see through to his core.

“You’re in this with me, right?” Dean asks. And it’s not that he doesn’t know that answer, he does, but asking it is a surefire way to get Cas to say it.

“Of course,” Castiel says. And in another time line, Dean is gearing Castiel up for a suicide run against croats to get Lucifer and Castiel is signing on because what does he do but go with Dean? And this isn’t that but there are shades of it.

Except the shade here where Dean nods and leans forward and kisses the whiskey from Castiel’s mouth. The way that Cas makes a quiet noise like buzzing and pushes one hand through the back of Dean’s hair.

They sit together, on the floor, and finish the drink together, passing the single glass back and forth. Between them, their free hands overlap and link.

**Author's Note:**

> come play with me on [tumblr!](https://disasterfreewill.tumblr.com/)


End file.
